Bereavement and loss are, it is generally agreed, expressed through the grief and mourning process.
The grief and mourning process isn’t linear and sometimes this process can become blocked. It may be that you’re desperately trying to turn back time and feeling locked into the past. It may be that you’re experiencing feelings of yearning, feelings of anger, feelings of alienation, loneliness and guilt. It may be that you want to talk about your grief, but feel guarded.
Your recovery process might actually be being hindered by those around you because they’re feeling awkward and their well-meaning attempts to make you feel better & ‘get over it’ just cause you additional distress, causing you to make a decision to stop talking about your loss.
Shakespeare wrote: “the grief that does not speak knits up the o’er wrought heart and bids it break. – ”You need to talk about your loss. You can talk to me.
In our therapeutic relationship I will be a companion and supporter of you in your bereavement, grief and mourning and will serve as a bridge toward your eventual self- reliance. In my professional and ethical role I will support you, see things from your point of view and respect your feelings. I will be there to explore with you in our discussions all the hopes and wishes you still cherish, together with all the regrets, reproaches and disappointments that have been and still are affecting you. Working with your reality, I will be there to understand the tasks you are setting for yourself and help you to identify and express those feelings of bereavement, grief and mourning that feel as though they’re bursting within you. When you are ready, I will help you to find your turning point.
When you’re suffering from bereavement & loss, you might experience the grief and mourning process in the following four stages:
1. You feel numbness, shock and difficulty accepting the reality of the loss. Everything seems ‘dreamlike’. It’s quite common for people to experience extreme difficulty in accepting that the loss is final and permanent – it’s one thing knowing it and another thing realising it. Don’t push yourself through this too quickly.
2. You feel yearning, hurt and pain emotionally and physically. A major bereavement hurts terribly and you yearn for the missing person. You may find yourself frequently sighing, sobbing and notice palpitations, loss of appetite and sleeplessness. These symptoms along with irritability and a need to blame someone or something are a part of what is referred to as the bereavement process. You may also be preoccupied by regrets, self -reproach and guilt. Mourning can feel very hard to do and fear and panic could also be experienced.
3. You feel despair, because you’re bereaved your usual abilities to concentrate and cope may be lost. During this time you could feel hopeless and bleak, convinced that adjusting to life without the dead person is too hard.
4. You recognise that you can move on.
I recognise that saying goodbye is very difficult and people sometimes need ‘permission’ to stop grieving. It’s important to realise that letting go means letting go of the pain of grief, it does not mean forgetting someone that was very dear to you. In time you will begin to be able to recall memories of the deceased without becoming overwhelmed by emotion. This could mean you are ready to move forward.
New life patterns can become established after bereavement.
**The above four stages rarely follow a neat and sequential path. People move back and forwards in bereavement, grief and mourning. Anniversaries and reminders can send you back to an earlier stage. You may benefit from professional help to get ‘unstuck’.
Contact me. I am qualified and have experience and skill in grief and resolution therapy.
